Life was good

Miserable. There's no other way to explain it. You should be here. You should be 17 weeks old. I should have insisted on going to the hospital 17 easy Tuesdays ago. When life was good and simple.

Been using my positive thinking lately, and choosing to hope and believe that I might be pregnant with your sibling, my rainbow baby. But, let's be honest…I cannot hope, think, or wish myself pregnant. Having faith in better days to come, cannot make me pregnant. So, that being said, I'm going to obviously assume I'm not lucky enough to be pregnant. Forget it. Life is no longer that good or simple. It is for most you, but it isn't for me. Never will be.

By now, most people assume we have moved on. Because, they most certainly have. Life does go on. And to most, it's been a long time, we should be over this small loss. We just lost a baby, happens all the time. We're young, we can have another. No big deal. NOT A CHANCE.  OUR DAUGHTER DIED. The pain never subsides, no matter how much other people around us wish it would. And some days, in the last 17 weeks, we are worse than we were the day we learned of the horrific news. The news that we would never see our daughter open her eyes, never hear our daughter cry, never rock our daughter to sleep…Why? Because she was already sleeping, in peace. More peacefully than any of us here on earth will ever know.

No one ever said life would be easy, but they did promise it would be worth it. I'll have to get back to you on that one…because, at this point, I seriously doubt it.

Life is just difficult and it will forever be.

Help provide us the strength to keep going, baby Stella. Help us.