However, this Wednesday I also woke up feeling blessed. I can count on one hand how many times in the last 14 weeks I have felt blessed. But today, was extra special. I woke up to an email from a very dear friend. This friend had her rainbow baby born just weeks after Stella. Her baby, Daisy, is 6 weeks old. At 3:03 am she writes:
So Daisy and I are up. We've been up for an hour and 20 minutes. We've nursed. We've burped. We've sang. We've bounced. We've danced. And about 40 minutes ago Daisy and I started talking about Stella and Rebecca and I realized I'm mad. I do not have pity for you and Mark because the relationship that the two of you have fostered is incredible and strong and one of true love. But I'm mad at God. I'm mad that I can't call you in 3 hours because I know you'll be up for a feeding and talk about my party animal daughter who refuses to sleep from 1am-3am, while you rub it in that Stella is just the best baby and is already sleeping on a regular schedule. I am hopeful and excited for you and Mark to have those delirious moments in the middle of the night when your rainbow baby the has lovingly not allowed either of you more than two hours of sleep at a time but you are so drunk on love for each other and the new life you both have created that you just laugh and argue over who's turn it is to rock little rainbow baby in only the way the two of you know how. I am jealous of your rainbow baby because I don't know if there has ever been a baby (not even Daisy) in the history of babies who will be loved and cherished and appreciated the way your rainbow baby will, having a guardian baby from heaven guiding you and Mark every minute, every second, every hour. I want you to know we think of you always, Daisy already knows the story of Mark and Rebecca and their beautiful baby Stella, Olive knows which star is Stella's and gets so excited every time she sees it. Josh asks about you and Mark often and tells me he finds himself thinking of Mark and gets angry because he knows there is nothing he can do or say to lessen the grief he feels. I hope this is received as it was intended, an email I wish was a call to let you know you are in our thoughts daily but especially tonight.
Lots of love
Lots of love
Wow. I cannot believe I am blessed enough and lucky enough to have a friend with such compassion for me, my family, and my situation. It's incredible that she knows my heart so well, and at time when she should be so wrapped up in her own family, her career, and must be utterly exhausted with the joy of caring for her infant. She can find a sincere place in her heart to share our heartache with her precious family. In a world where I have a hard time finding things to be thankful for, I cannot begin to explain how thankful I am for this friend. Everyone should be so lucky to have such an amazing friend in their life.
When I lay down at night, I pray to God to give me peace, courage, and strength to wake up the next morning and just make it through the day…I believe God is speaking to me through this friend. He is blessing me with that peace, courage, and strength I ask for. It's unreal, truly special.
I've often heard and read that in times of hardship and tragedy, some new friendships will be made, some old ones will be severed, and some existing ones will be truly strengthened beyond our understanding. Fortunately or unfortunately, I get it now.
Today at lunch we heard Canon in D, the song I walked down the aisle to marry the man of my dreams. After that bittersweet memory and moment they played Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Maybe it's another sign… Good things are coming our way. Maybe our rainbow baby. We are due for some good things our way. God is good and he is walking with us as he brings us our blessings this day, and in the days to come.
We love you Stella St. Clair. Today and everyday. Just as much as we did 14 Wednesdays ago.
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