Waiting for our RAINBOW, guided by our STAR

Well, the title says it all. We are anxiously, excitedly, cautiously waiting for our rainbow baby. Our take home baby. The one that makes it into this world alive. To live here on earth with us. Your sibling, baby Stella. The baby that your daddy says, "better arrive alive, live a long life, and bury us someday."

As I type this, we are 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant. We saw the baby's precious heart beat for the third time this morning. While it feels unreal we are this far along on this new journey, it feels like we still have a lifetime left. Hopefully 26 weeks left, to be exact. As the plan will be to deliver this baby by repeat c-section no later than 38 weeks (God willing, we make it that far). Mostly because, we will have reached full term by then and in our unfortunate experience, babies hearts' randomly stop beating at 38 weeks and 3 days, for no apparent reason. And we just cannot go there again. 

For "normal, lucky" people 12 weeks would be pretty much considered "in the clear." Unfortunately, we are not "normal or lucky," and we are certainly not "in the clear." We will not be in the clear until this baby is alive in our arms, kicking and screaming. Then of course, all the mothers out there would say, then there will be a whole new set of worries and concerns that never ends. Well, that's just great…bring on those NORMAL mother worries. Not the LOSS mother worries, like that this baby might die inside of me too. 

The post below this one contains a few of my writings from April, when we first found out. Most of the thoughts, feelings, and pleading prayers still apply. 

Stella's sibling today: 12 weeks, 1 day

Stella St. Clair, May 2013: 12 weeks, 2 days

Love both of you babies, more than anything in this world. Guide us baby Stella, guide us to your sibling's birth.