Well, it was kind of a rough week. 3 babies (yes, THREE) were born on Wednesday. Two were born to a couple of my best friends, bridesmaids in my wedding actually. Since babies are supposed to be born alive, of course, I am happy for them and their precious blessings. However, it doesn't make it any less difficult to realize their hearts are full, their lives are complete, while my heart is still empty, and my life still feels like it's been shattered into a million tiny pieces. The third baby was born to a wife of a colleague of mine. Although, I am not close to these people, this one really got to me, because she had the same doctor we had. You mean our doctor is capable of delivering babies ALIVE, awesome. Just not mine. Great, real fair. I almost called this lady after Stella died to tell her to change doctors, or her baby might die too. Glad someone stopped my crazy ass from doing that, but still. It's nothing short of another punch in the gut. All on a Wednesday no less.
I do pray that these families all know what a true blessing they have in those living babies and that their hearts are honestly full with love and patience. And I do pray to have those feelings myself one day, one lucky day.
I'm also certain there is some underlying anxiety about your 6 months coming up baby girl. Just doesn't seem right or possible. Time just keeps going, there is no stopping it. Before I know it, we'll have lived on this earth for 1 entire year without you. When I think of that, I almost start to hyperventilate. It's too much. And don't even get me started about Mother's Day. So, back to one day at a time. Wake up, love your daddy for loving me so much, go to bed. Repeat.
Some days and some weeks are just tougher than others. But somehow, we are still standing. And I know, with your loving guidance, we can do this baby Stella.
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