"Is it your first?" Makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, "NO, my first should be almost 10 months old, but she died 11 days before her due date. They don't know why. She was absolutely perfect. Her poor precious little heart just stopped beating for no reason! So, this is my SECOND. My second baby. My second daughter." But, somehow I don't feel like the waitress at the restaurant or the teller at the bank really need to know or hear this entire story that is my life. But, on the other hand, saying, "yes, this is our first" is a blatant lie and one I just can't stand to tell. I imagined this would be a difficult spot in this pregnancy, and it most certainly is. I don't feel the need to tell my story to every single person I meet, yet I feel like I'm betraying Stella if I don't tell the story. Needless to say, I'll be glad when I don't have to answer that question anymore. Of course, then I'm sure there will be something else. Something else that makes me uncomfortable. Like people assuming I've only got the one child, the one baby. When really, our life will never look complete again. We will always and forever be missing one. Our first one.
I'm 24 weeks pregnant today. 6 months exactly. And there are exactly 3 months left until we get to meet this new bundle of joy. Our rainbow baby. She, yes that's correct, SHE is officially scheduled to arrive Tuesday, November 25th at 7:30 A.M. I am anxiously expecting that Tuesday to be the best day of my life. High expectations, I know. November 25th, 2014 is exactly one year from the day we buried baby Stella. November 25th, 2013 was the second worst day of our lives as we laid our first baby girl to rest. November 25th, 2014 will be drastically different, as we welcome our anxiously awaited for, second baby girl. Pretty bittersweet birthday for this little girl. Thank you baby Stella for sending her to us. Thank you for making a day that we will always hold dear to our hearts even sweeter.
92 days left until the best day of my life, God willing. But who's counting?
This is the story of a mom trying to survive without her perfect, precious, stillborn daughter. We will never forget you, Stella St. Clair. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment